During my pre-consultations with my clients, I talk about bravery. I know that coming to do a boudoir session is already taking a lot of bravery, you barely know me, and I will be photographing you in your underwear... it can be very scary. But I still ask you to go deeper.
I am asking you to open up and not just discard your clothes, but also discard your protective walls. What do you want to see in these images? What do you deep down know is inside of you, but you so rarely see it you have problems believing it's truly there?
Because these images are not for anyone else. They truly aren't. They are for you. And I want you to see YOU. I want them to prove to you that you are everything you WISH you were. You truly are. And I can't photoshop that in - it's truly there. And while it can feel super scary to just bare yourself to yourself let alone to a camera, it also will be a source of great strength.
You know who you are, truly, deep down, but it seems that some people are truly afraid to just be themselves. And I want to end that.
I have been afraid to be myself my whole life. I was told from a very young age that I wasn't enough, and that what my instincts told me about myself was actually wrong. I have spent a lot of my life trying to find that person within me again. And the rest of that time questioning if that person I was searching for was enough, or was what I was told at a young age, actually true.
This has made it hard for me to be friends with people... I used to DIVE into friendship. But now I hold myself back, I have literally been hiding behind my camera, and my computer, so that I could not be hurt, hurt others, and basically not be who I truly am.
I am changing that now. I am noticing as I start to really dive into this work of helping women get to know themselves again, I am truly getting to know myself as well. I see the proof of this because I am not questioning myself so much anymore... I am not putting up with anyone's BS anymore. I am making connections that MATTER. That have DEPTH.
And I am stepping in front of the camera myself. Slowly. But it is happening. And it is pretty cool. To actually look at myself and love me.
I am challenging myself to let my own sensuality and sexuality be shown through self portraits. This is my first one... and boy is it scary to put it out there... but I feel like if I am asking my clients to be brave, I need to walk the talk too.